The Most Unhelpful Wizards I’ve Ever Read

(Spoilers may be included!)

Seriously, what’s with these guys? They are ‘father figures’ I know, but come on.

At the gates of Moria, the writing said: Speak Friend and Enter. I got what it meant. You just say Friend! But did the ‘most powerful wizard of Middle Earth’, Gandalf, get it? NO! And get this. The fellowship was freezing in the snow, and the firewood they found over the course of an hour was all wet and soggy. After several hours, Gandalf is like: “Oh, I’m a wizard!” and does a simple fire incantation. Another example: The Chronicles of Prydain, sometimes referred to as Taran Wanderer. Dallben, the mentor/wizard, is supposedly very powerful. What does he spend all of his time doing? Meditating! Meditating when there is a war going on! It’s disgraceful!

Arthur: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.

But anyway, need another example? How about the countless times that Dumbledore didn’t tell Harry his important discoveries like, um, Harry is a Horcrux! Harry must die! Or what about how to destroy the Horcruxes! Come on old man!

And remember the Arthurian Legend? Arthur spent years training with Merlin, but did future seeing Merlin tell him that he was going to pull the sword out of the stone? I don’t think so, because it came as a great shock!

So we’ve looked at several individuals. Now we’ll make some general observations.

Surprisingly, sometimes these guys are actually somewhat helpful to the plot and hero.

Pros and Cons:

Pros:

-Mentors: Give advice to their apprentices/students

-Help them train for deadly battles

-Keep the heroes out of trouble

-Provide shelter and a safe home (Like Hogwarts)

Cons:

-Mentors Also: Fail to help whenever there is action

-Sometimes are full of themselves (Dumbledore: Even though I have extraordinary brain power…etc.)

-Usually die at some point in the story (Can’t really help that, I suppose.)

Okay, so we have our pros and cons, but we also need to look at these similarities:

Becoming a Wizard/father figure/mentor:

Want to become a wizard? It’s easy! All you need are these few required things!

Required:

-Long white beards

-Long white hair

-Long flowing robes and cloaks

-Hat (Optional)

-Staff or Wand

-Twinkling Eyes (No Contacts!)

-Magical Abilities

Required Age:

Must have lived 100 years or more!

Required: (Signed Contract of Wizardry)

Sign name:

I (Full Name)                                                         ,By the order of (Example: Order of Merlin)                                  , Hereby Accept to the full time job of being a wizard. I will protect my hero/apprentice. I will not tell him important information, I will put off his questions, and I will protect him even if it means keeping him at my home for years.

Name: (Full)                                                                     ,

Signature:                                                                        ,

Basically that’s it!

So, still think Dumbledore’s amazing, or Gandalf’s incredible, or whatever? I’ve got a few other unusual wizards to talk about.

There are wizards, and then there are wizards.

Some just don’t act like it!

In the popular comic Asterix and Obelix, the druid is Getafix. He makes a potion of strength. He doesn’t drink it, though. He actually gets caught and put in a prison in one of the comics. He’s a druid, and similar to a wizard.

How about Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars? Not a fantasy book, but he fits the description. He also gets killed by Darth Vader early in the film, so I won’t dwell on him too much. But he is similar in many ways.

And remember Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid? Same story. Mentor teaches kid to believe in himself. Mentor is old and frail, but manages to do some cool stuff.

Same story for almost all of these guys! They all are semi-helpful, awe-inspiring, and powerful mentors.

Conclusion:

So there you go! Wizards/mentors/father figures, all unhelpful sometimes, but most of the time are okay. I can’t blame them though. Most are older than 100! (They are extremely fit for being so old.) They are pretty cool, and I gave them a hard time. (But seriously. Speak friend and enter!)

If anyone is writing a book, they might just want to consider putting a character similar to one of these in it. Especially if it is about the Hero’s Journey. So I hope this was funny and helped summarize these characters!

And remember, wax on, wax off!